I like you so much better when your naked
by onesieandacalendar
Summary: The interns have a scavenger hunt and find some more-than-inappropriate things on Mark Sloan's phone. Takes place in season three. All characters/couples, really. Crack!fic.


**LOL, DON'T ASK. I have no idea where this came from, half of it makes no sense whatsoever. But um, this just sort of happened, I guess? Thanks to McMuffin for beta-ing, *dies since Phoebe is gone until the 13th***

**Disclaimer- If by chance I did own Grey's Anatomy, stuff like this would _so_ be happening every episode.**

///

"No more surgeries for the entire day, are you serious?" Cristina snapped as she threw her tray onto the table.

Meredith looked up from her _Homes and Gardens _magazine. "Is that all you think about?"

"What the hell are you reading?"

Izzie glared at Cristina. "It's _my_ magazine."

"Well, I for one am bored."

Alex spoke up for the first time. "I say we play a game."

Cristina grinned. "Oh, I like this idea. What kind of game?"

Alex snuck a glance across the cafeteria to the attendings. "A scavenger hunt."

A series of grins were exchanged from the interns, this was going to be an interesting day.

///

"So," Cristina announced reading off of the now filled whiteboard, "We need five items. The items that have to be retrieved are strand of hair, pen, cell phone, shoe and scrub cap. They must be retrieved from Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Sloan, Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Burke, and Bailey. It doesn't matter which comes from which, as long as they come from one of them. Once you get your item you need to bring it into this room and put it into the correctly labeled box." She gestured towards the boxes in the corner. "The goal of the game is to retrieve two items, thus making you the winner."

Cristina turned towards George, Meredith, Izzie and Alex, "We clear?"

///

George walked triumphantly through the halls of Seattle Grace, he had the perfect plan. He approached Burke slowly at first, his arms slightly shaking from the fear of getting in trouble, but he wanted to win despite his nervous body.

"Dr. Burke?" he asked, clearing his throat ever so slightly.

"Yes, O'Malley?"

"I was wondering if I could get the medical textbook you keep in your locker, I need it to study for a huge operation I'm scrubbing in on tomorrow."

"Oh, of course," Burke said with a wide grin. "Here's the key, its locker number 22."

"Thanks!" George exclaimed before running off into the distance.

///

Addison Montgomery was not having a good day. For starters, her coffee machine decided not to work after Mark decided to wake her up for no reason, (not that sex wasn't a reason, but she doesn't appreciate waking up at four a.m. when she doesn't have a surgery), then one of her heels on her four inch stilettos decided to break, and finally a brochure for a strip club magically appeared in her locker.

Alex took long, confident strides toward Addison, he had no doubt he would achieve this task, and the fact that he'd get to piss her off too wasn't exactly a horrible thing. "Morning, Dr. Montgomery," he said as he reached her.

She glared. "It's three in the afternoon, Karev. But nice job with the formalities, you're improving," she said, sarcastically.

"Nice shoes," he pointed out, smirking.

She glared again. "Shut up."

"No really, I mean, if one of the heels wasn't busted," he said, taking a step closer, slighting invading her personal space. "They'd be pretty hot."

"That is not, not, not, not something you say to your boss if you don't want to be sued on grounds of sexual harassment."

"Yeah, well, what can I say? I speak the truth."

Addison stared at him with hungry eyes and waited a whole ten seconds before catching his lips, hard and fast and she could almost _feel _him grin under her. He reached his hands around to pull her head closer to him, being careful to only pick a tiny piece as to not get her to notice. He pulled away first. "Goodbye, Dr. Montgomery," he said before skipping down the hall.

Addison watched him leave, _what the hell?_

///

"Good afternoon, Dr. Shepherd," Izzie said as she approached the nurse's station.

Derek looked up from the chart he was currently filling out and smiled. "Afternoon, Dr. Stevens."

"So Mr. Dempsey is scheduled for surgery tomorrow, I hear. Anyway I could scrub in?"

"I don't know," he grinned. "You have to show me you deserve it."

"I'll be sure to do so," she responded in her most professional voice, reaching her hand slowly, _slowly_ across the counter top towards the pen.

"I'd say you have a pretty good shot though, Karev's been getting on my nerves and Cristina's just a bitch. I mean.. shit. No, no, I'm not supposed to swear. Bad teacher, bad teacher," he mumbled the last words to himself.

Izzie secured the pen tightly in her grip before turning around and sprinting as fast as she could to reach the elevator.

Derek looked around, Um?

///

Meredith swung the door to the on call room open fast, just as Mark's eyes widened and his hand flew as fast as it could out of his pants, Meredith, catching this, raised an eyebrow. Mark swore.

"Erm, what are you doing?" Meredith asked, innocently.

"Nothing," he replied quick before attempting to press the red "end" button on his phone, sending the screen free of a very naked picture of Addison from their med-school days. However, this idea didn't seem to go so well, or at least not for him as the phone flew across the room and landed directly in none other than Meredith Grey's hands.

She looked up at the screen before shooting her gaze back up to Mark, her eyes widened at the picture on the screen. She looked around a couple of times before opening the door again and running down the hall, phone securely in her hand.

///

Cristina stood around the corner from Bailey and Callie, forming a strategy in her mind that would for sure get her the shoe. Bailey broke free from Callie a couple of minutes later and began to walk towards Cristina. Cristina, careful not to identify herself, stuck out a foot which Bailey as planned, tripped on. Bailey flew across the hall and landed with a thump, raising her hand to her head. "What the hell?" she screamed.

Just as Cristina was about to grab the shoe that flew off, Alex Karev rounded the opposite corner of the hall and spotted the shoe. He ran full force towards it and swooped it off of the ground gracefully, Cristina ran after him.

"Give me my god damn shoe!"

"Never!" Alex screamed as he began to lose his lead.

"You can run but you can't hide, Evil Spawn! I will catch you!" Just as Cristina said this, Derek and Addison were broken from their conversation due to a series of screams. They both turned simultaneously towards the outbreak meters away from them.

Once within a few feet, Cristina jumped on top of Alex's back, trying her best to grab the shoe.

Alex however, successfully put her into a headlock and then preceded his run to the room.

///

"I WIN!" Alex screamed as he jumped into the room, slamming the shoe into its correct box.

"What are we looking at?"

Izzie, George and Meredith all looked up innocently.

"Uh…."

"Let me see," Alex said as he pulled the phone from their hands, "HOLY SHIT! THAT'S FUCKING HOT!"

Meredith grinned. "McSteamy's phone by the way."

Izzie turned towards Alex, watching as he pressed a series of keys on the phone, "What are you doing?"

"Sending it to myself."

"No! Alex!"

"Too late," Alex grinned before handing the phone back to Meredith, "did you check the text messages?"

All four of them broke out into a series of grins before Meredith pulled open the "Inbox" screen. The first text message in the inbox was a locked text message, which by the date, appeared to be something sent about five years ago from a man named Derek Shepherd. Meredith read the text message out loud.

"You know I'd never admit your dick is bigger than mine, but I did enjoy sucking on it last night."

Meredith screamed. "What!"

The other three interns turned to her with mirrored expressions, and Cristina, who had just walked in prior to the announcement of the text, supplied a simple. "I knew it."

Izzie nudged Meredith, "Read more! Read more!"

"Okay, these are from last night, I think. And they're all from Addison, okay here, I'll read what she says then what he responds, Okay?

Addison: _Baby I can't stop thinking about last night._

Mark: _Me neither, God I love your mouth._

Addison: _My mouth or what I do with my mouth?_

Mark: _Both. Especially when my dick is involved._

Addison: _Don't get cocky, you dick isn't that big._

Mark: _Good one._

Addison: _Yeah, whatever. I'm a better fuck than you, admit it._

Mark:_ I'm not admitting anything, baby, other than the fact that my cum is still on the counter._

Addison: _mmm, I like your cum. It's tasty._

Mark: _You're tasty._

Addison: _Your cock is tasty. And it is pretty fucking big._

Mark: _I knew it; I knew you loved my beautifully huge dick._

Addison: _Not as much as I love how you use your tongue when we're in in very compromising positions_.

Mark: _On call room?_

Addison: _Hell yes._

"And that's it," Meredith finished, examining the shocked expressions. "What? It's kind of hot."

Just then the attendings and Bailey all burst into the room, Addison walked over and pried the phone from Meredith's hand.

"What the hell Mark! Ever heard of deleting your texts?!"

Mark looked up. "Sorry."

"What the hell are you doing?" Addison turned to Alex who was currently staring at his phone screen.

"Uh, nothing."

Addison grabbed the phone from Alex, quickly looking at the screen, "WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DID YOU GET THIS?"

Alex looked away, pointing to Mark. Addison screamed, "Mark! Wait no, how did you even have this?"

Mark turned to Derek. "Shit," Derek mumbled.

"Yeah, shit is right," Addison announced before lunging towards Derek, who ran quickly out of the room.

Bailey rubbed her forehead. "You damn interns."

///


End file.
